By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
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