I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize