ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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