woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize