She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
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New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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