So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
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don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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