Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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