So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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