i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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