the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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