I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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