Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
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I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
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Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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