Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize