Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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