I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
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We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
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I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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