it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
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All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
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All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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