Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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