porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
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This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
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We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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