im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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