So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
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