i think my mom watched the whole time
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
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