After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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