now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
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when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
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that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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