I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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