is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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