the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
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He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
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