if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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