i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
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You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
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I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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