Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize