Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
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