Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
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He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
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I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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