my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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