I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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