I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
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You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
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You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
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