i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
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He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
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Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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