No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
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I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
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He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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