someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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