I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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