yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize