trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
what the fuck happened to the tacos
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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