i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
time to smoke my breakfast
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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