Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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