Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize