I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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