I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
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I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
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Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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