In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize