And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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