i think my tv is drunk
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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