Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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