you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
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Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
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I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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